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It's not uncommon to see him at City & State having morning coffee with a 20 something.

Then later, a happy hour cocktail at Tsunami with a 40 something (she's paying).

In 2002, Seattle Times columnist Jerry Large wrote about the black experience in Seattle in which black women complained about how few black men there were to date.

One woman said to "bring your own black men (or women) to date because Seattle is hard on black women's dating aspirations." More than a decade later, black women say that’s still the case.

In my decades of work as a psychotherapist, I’ve heard so many clients report that they feel like the walking wounded after spending years trying to play these games.

When wetry to become more attractive instead of becoming more skilled at being authentic, we’re bound to feel off-balance. The warmth, clarity, and sense of humanity that come with self-acceptance just can’t be faked.

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She echoed the women in Large’s column, saying that it’s nearly impossible to find a black man to date in Seattle.

University of Washington sociologists Stewart Tolnay and Kyle Crowder called it the “marriage squeeze,” noting the declining rate of black women getting married.

If we try to be someone other than who we are, we’ll find people who are looking for someone who .

Worse, others sense the insecurity that underlies this approach.

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